Best of the PittsBurgers: Burgatory

July 2013

You might not remember May of 2011, but to some, it was nearly the end of the world. Back then, Harold Camping predicted the return of Christ, the emergence of Christians to Heaven, and the dawn of fire and brimstone for those of us below. It just so happened my pal’s birthday fell on Rapture eve. Being the heathens that we were, we decided the event called for a pre-celebration in the form of burgers and cocktails in a very fitting place…

B for Burgatory

Though Christ did not return to earth that fateful May, I have returned quite a few times to Burgatory, making it count amongst my Best of the PittsBurgers locales!

Burgatory

Fox Chapel / Waterworks
932 Freeport Road
Pittsburgh, PA 15238
412.781.1456
*This is the location I frequent, but there is a second locale in Robinson.

Blessed Be The Burger

Ambiance/Design

Strategic. Industrial. Witty. A Little Bit Mischievous.
Burgatory channeled the big guns for their branding, and it shows. Infographics and witticisms accent the industrial interior. Its location in a strip mall makes the interior an odd diamond-in-the-rough situation (unless your cups of tea are big-box stores, then diamond-in-a-diamond). Exterior and collocation aside, the interior is energizing but also arranged in such a way that individual tables and conversations feel relatively private, albeit, a bit muffled by said energy.

Honor Thy Burger

Burgatory Booth

Very Important To Note

Sourcing of the Meat

All Natural, Hormone Free Burgers are better for you and the environment. Plus they taste a HELLUVA lot better! Our beef burgers are ground and hand formed daily using our private label blend of sirloin, chuck, brisket and short rib. All of our burgers can be served TOPLESS or NAKED (WE’RE TALKIN’ NO BUN, FOLKS!) upon request. You can also substitute an All Natural Chicken Breast for any burger if you want to cluck it up. 

Burgatory makes a big deal about the purity of its meat, which I appreciate, but what is missing [or in any case, isn’t glaringly obvious] is the name of the meat source(s). Give me that assurance, and my locavore-loving heart will be completely at ease.

Burgatory Burgers

Quality of Meat Preparation

“Red, Pink or No Pink Center”

It’s hard to assess the inherent quality of the juicy, ground beef under all those rich toppings, but the burgers are prepared according to the more playful take on the rare-to-done spectrum and delivered as promised.

Pink Burgers

Toppings (ie: This is why you go to Burgatory!)

Life is all about choices. Do I strive to be a saint or do I revel in sin? Burgatory is all about choices. Do I want Angel Dust or Bourbon BBQ… or both?!? Picky people and confident creatives alike will relish in the control the grill relinquishes to them, and these power grabs span the entire menu. This also makes Burgatory a blessing when dining with kids who might not see the value in Truffled Shallot Aioli. These offerings aren’t limited to “do you want lettuce, tomato and onion?” I’m talking an infographic guided tour through robust flavors and potential combinations. The only danger zone is dining with the easily overwhelmed, indecisive type, in which case, point them to the classics and forbid them from flipping pages.

Sides

I revered potato chips as a food group when my lunches still came with notes on the napkins. As a noteless “adult,” these chips strike me as a cheap ploy. Clearly, the obvious companion to a burger is the french fry, so to make me pay extra for the rightful complement is counterintuitive. As expected, the fries also come with their fair share of options, so any inkling of an inner tantrum is quickly reversed.

Free Float for Kids

Cocktails

My most recent trip was a family affair, so I refrained from boozing, but in the past, I’ve partaken in delightful, fresh cocktails. If you’re going for icy decadence, you can also upgrade your milkshake to an adult milkshake. If kids plow through their entire meal to arrive at the clean plate club, they receive a free ice cream float. Burgatory means well with this gesture, but I’m not one to reward gluttony, so I’m on the fence about that incentive.

Price

The standard [but decadently stacked!] menu burgers range from $9-$12, which is consistent with other burger joints around this region and worth the cost of supporting local meat (see Sourcing of the Meat). As mentioned, paying extra to swap fries for chips grates on my sensibilities just a smidgen, but even that fee is pretty harmless. With so many options though, including boozy shakes and cocktails, the numbers can quickly add up to a decent investment.

In Conclusion…

Life is full of contrasting choices, blacks and grays, but sometimes, the middle territory is a helluva good time! Enjoy!

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