Homemade Mayonnaise

September 2014

You might be a control freak if _________.

… delegating makes you cringe.
… you shy away from alcohol to keep your wits about you.
… you over plan simple activities.

….you make your own mayonnaise!

While some elements of being a control freak can spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R for relationships, professional paths and personal well-being, other aspects of an obsessive desire to control everything can mean controlling your cake and eating it too, ie: making your own mayonnaise.

Mayo Ingredients

Mayo should be simple.

Eggs. Vinegar. Oil. Some salt. Maybe some dijon. Simple.

However, trying to find a simple, earnest mayo on a grocery store shelf is nearly impossible or outrageously expensive. Between the cheap, unhealthy oils [what one may refer to as “shit ass oils”] and preservatives, even the organic versions can send a control freak into a fit of whisking.

Homemade Mayo

Here is where I would love to tell you the aforementioned fit of whisking is totally worth it.

On some level, whisking eggs and olive oil ever so steadily, ever so hand-cramping steadily, is worth the resulting homemade mayo. Offer any ol’ guest a dollop of your homemade condiment, and the kitchen cred and awe will ensue. Additionally, all that whisking begs for and justifies some hand-job jokes, if you’re into low-hanging fruit, which I apparently am, so whisk, whisk, whisk away one time, and then hear this:

Using a food processor makes mayo-making TOTALLY worth it (feel free to continue to make hand-job jokes regardless though)!

Homemade [Food Processor] Mayonnaise
Yield: Makes about 3/4 cup


1 large organic, cage-free egg yolk
1 1/2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
1/4 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt plus more to taste

3/4 cup olive oil, divided


Combine egg yolk, lemon juice, vinegar, mustard, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a food processor. Pulse until blended and bright yellow.

With the food processor running, add oil to yolk mixture, a teaspoon at a time, until mayonnaise is thick, about 8 minutes (mayonnaise will be lighter in color).

Cover and store in the refrigerator.


Happy “Whisking!”

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